the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
