Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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