Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He keeps bees of course he's weird
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
