sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
