My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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