I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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