big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
