Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize