after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
