Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
