I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize