dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
be right there i have to get my cape
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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