it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize