I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
