he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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