who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she told me i tasted like america
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
