Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
