Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
