the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
