do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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