why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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