Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize