I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
