I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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