There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
