Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
