you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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