the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He kissed a someone with a penis
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
