Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
