my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
