Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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