We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
