The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
