Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
