I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize