can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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