I'm going to jail i love you
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
