I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
