Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
