wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
A+ Viking dick
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
