There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize