2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
