You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
