I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
