i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
