The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
