Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
