If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
