Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
