The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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