we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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