I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
