my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
