so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
