I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize