I'm going to jail i love you
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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