I will die if light touches me.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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