the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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