It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize