You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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