Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
