Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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