i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
