I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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