i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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