didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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