does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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