jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
