Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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