when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
