I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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