just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize