dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
