Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
