Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
