Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize