we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
