Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
