Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
