I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
