come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
