Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
