I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
