Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
