I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
