you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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